HEALTHY FAMILY REACTIONS TO ILLNESS: GETTING THE RIGHT INFORMATION

Families who cope positively are forever curious about information relevant to what they are experiencing. Accurate information about heart illness and cardiac rehabilitation can soothe many anxieties and fears. Such information is almost always offered by medical personnel during the initial phases of treatment of heart illness, and more physicians and hospitals than ever before are now recognizing the need to include the patient's spouse in such educational programs. However, my observation is that a cardiac couple's need for information outlives most physicians' availability to give information. Heart illness lasts a lifetime. What worked wonderfully during the first year of rehabilitation may not be so effective later. New concerns develop, and new information is needed to soothe these concerns.
Healthy cardiac couples select physicians who are willing to communicate with them in clear, compassionate, and respectful ways, and they use their own personal skills to maintain comfortable working relationships with these physicians. They respect themselves as having rights as patients, such as the right to information and the right to have one's spouse involved in consultations. They also realize that doctors are only human and have limits to their own levels of energy, patience, and skills.
You don't have to apologize for your need to continue asking questions about cardiac rehabilitation. But it is helpful, practical, and courteous to be respectful of your physician's busy schedule. Call and schedule an extended consultation with your doctor, indicating that you and your spouse have a number of questions that you would like addressed. In this way, the physician can plan time to spend with you. Do not ambush your doctor with twenty minutes of questions during what was scheduled as a ten-minute checkup.
Arrive at such consultations with a written list that will remind you of the questions you want addressed. Remember to say Please and Thank you. Both patients and doctors are people, and all people deserve to be dealt with in a caring fashion.
With these considerations in mind, remember these two main points: (1) You should find a doctor who is willing and able to take enough time to treat you with respect as a couple. Insist that your marriage, and not just one of your hearts, be recognized as a patient. (2) Take appropriate responsibility for your part of your care. Don't be a passive patient, waiting for some doctor to work magic in your life. In other words, remember to be assertive in finding out what you need to know about coping with this illness. Even more important, remember to put what you learn into practice:
Read about new low-cholesterol recipes and then try them out.
If you see an announcement of a lecture on modifying stress, attend, and try using what you learn.
Enroll in a class on meditation or relaxation and actually practice the exercises at home.
Join and participate in an organized cardiac rehabilitation program.
By gathering information, you can soothe your fears and develop an understanding of the realistic tasks involved in cardiac rehabilitation. This information goes a long way in preventing you from becoming bogged down in a nonproductive pit of questioning and guilt about why the illness happened.
Healthy couples have an interesting attitude toward the question What caused this illness? Their attitude is, "We don't care what caused it; we want to know what we have to do to recover." Rather than wallow in self-doubt and self-blame, these people demonstrate a process that I believe to be very adaptive when it comes to guilt management: Guilt is a useful emotion if it is experienced for about three seconds and then leads to behavior change.
Healthy couples accept that illness has entered their lives, and then they get about the task of making needed adjustments. They do not waste time moaning and groaning and living in confusion. They honestly look at their life-style and begin making the changes they need to ensure rehabilitation.
So decide realistically—with the help of professionals trained in cardiac rehabilitation and through your own assertive efforts—what you can do to recover, and then get to work as a healing team. Forget about why; focus on how. In this way, you can develop goals that give structure to your rehabilitation efforts.
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